The gold medal for the worst MCU movie goes to ETERNALS, a film that does its best to bastardize the Infinity Saga. The silver medal goes to THOR 2: THE DARK WORLD, which was for being uneventful, looking bad, and not telling a good story at all.
The bronze medal unquestionably goes to the true first Christmas movie ever made by The MCU… IRON MAN 3. There isn’t a single film I have had a more vigorous debate over than this one because many of you see it as a good (if not all-time great in some cases) superhero movie.
And because of that, I have to ask if we as a society know what makes a good superhero movie. Since IRON MAN 3, we’ve had an abundance of good examples of the types of films that superhero movies should be. Movies that followed the superhero formula to a tee and audiences ended up absolutely loving. Audiences loved the formula so much that when the DCEU didn’t follow it and tried to do their own thing, audiences chastised them.
And yet, primarily because of who ended up directing this film, people make excuses for going against the grain and give it the benefit of the doubt when we know it hasn’t aged well. I can somewhat understand the cult-like status of such directors as Paul Thomas Anderson, David Fincher, Martin Scorsese, Guillermo Del Toro, Quentin Tarantino, and James Cameron. Men who have made films that have defined their eras / multiple eras. I would think Shane Black has not earned that kind of clout, but given the kind of Atticus Finch-like defense that you jabronis have for this film, that is precisely what he has, and I don’t know why. It speaks to the cult-like group think for certain filmmakers that just by having a specific name attached, you see a lot more to a film than what actually is there.
It is a movie that sees its hero as suddenly incompetent at his job and somewhat afraid to effectively fulfill the duties he had previously volunteered for two Iron Man movies and one Avengers film. It makes a joke about a villain who is a key rogue in the Iron Man gallery in the comics, but who cares, right? It’s a movie where the most badass character by f****** far is Pepper Potts, and it’s not even remotely close. It’s a movie with a climactic battle that could be as close to a cinematic version of Nyquil as if it has ever been put to screen. It’s a movie that completely works the majority of its screentime to a relationship between Tony and a young boy whose name you more than likely do not remember, given the fact that he is a complete non-factor for the rest of the MCU films until he pops up at Starks funeral out of absolutely f****** nowhere and we were like…
(Harley Keener was his name. I know that’s news to you. There’s no way you knew that off the top of your head).
And yes, this is a Christmas movie. It’s a Christmas movie for no particular reason other than ambiance. Christmas doesn’t factor into the storyline whatsoever outside of there being a random Christmas pagent and Tony using a Christmas Ornament as a weapon. It’s just.. there. So I’m adding it to this list of Christmas movies just because I got to get stuff off my chest rather than to celebrate the actual f****** holiday.
You know what? I’m going to change my mind about the status of this movie during this review. In going back and trying to rewatch it again, this is the silver medal for trash MCU instead of the bronze. The bull s*** factor is just too strong here.
Liking this movie in any way announces that you’re not even a fan of the genre. Shane Black stuck his middle finger up to this genre, and he did nothing less.
HUMBUG.
It’s available on Disney+.
