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RED ONE 🤮

PREMISE

After kidnapping Santa Claus, the North Pole’s Head of Security must team up with an infamous bounty hunter in a globe-trotting, action-packed mission to save Christmas.

THE GOOD STUFF

EXPOSITION- You remember that part in Batman begins where the movie thoroughly explains to you just how all of the Batman gadgets work, what they’re made out of, and the general functionality of what it takes to be a superhero? Well, in this movie… THEY REALLY BATMAN BEGINS THE F*** OUT OF HOW SANTA CLAUS WORKS. 

Everything from the preparation, the list that he checks twice, how his sleigh works, why Santa Claus is ripped in this movie, and even his relationship with his brother is explained very straightforwardly and entertainingly. They even show Santa Claus in action in a sensical way as to how he can deliver presents to everybody in one night(Kinda). I do feel that this was the true intent of the movie at the end of the day, and they pulled that off in an imposing way.

CHRIS EVANS- Perhaps playing Captain America for as long as he did took him off the market when it came to playing characters who are thundering douchebags, and to that, I want to say that he was close to missing his calling. Between this, what he did in Deadpool and Wolverine, and Knives Out, Chris Evans has now proven himself to be the go-to guy for playing these narcissistic type antiheroes. The dialogue in this movie is… It’s not the best, but Evans makes a lot of this stuff fly. He’s always had this kind of versatility, and he’s always been funny, even when playing Captain America. He’s been underutilized for a long time. Hopefully, he does more things like this.

THE BAD STUFF

CHEMISTRY- Looking back at The Rock’s past hits, you will notice only one instance (Zac Efron in BAYWATCH) where he had no on-screen chemistry with a co-star. Whether it be Kevin Hart, Emily Blunt, Sean William Scott, Vince Vaughn, Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Carell, Mark Wahlberg, or any other co-star in any other ensemble that he’s been a part of he’s always managed to have inarguably great chemistry with whoever he shared the screen with. This is not one of those times.

None of these comedic scenes with Chris Evans works. It’s not that it’s bad. It’s just that it doesn’t go together. They’re both good. But it just doesn’t mix. It’s like putting strawberry ice cream and peanut butter together. Sure they taste good on their own but mix them together and it’s kind of….

Had the chemistry between these two characters been a lot better, this would have been a lot better of a movie, but here we are.

THE UGLY STUFF

This Villian– Not only is this villain boring, not only is the villain’s backstory brushed over, to say the least, not only is this villain lacking in screen time, not only is this villain’s dastardly plan like a two out of 10 on the dastardly scale… But the execution of the plan doesn’t make sense. And because that is the case, the movie’s climax is unintentionally hilariously bad. This movie deserves the brutal reviews it’s getting because of the last fifteen minutes.

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Ultimately, the ratio of good to bad live-action family films of Dwayne Johnson is incredibly lopsided towards the negative. Damn near all of them run into the same problem which is that they all seem to be made for the paycheck. All of these things are based on good ideas, but at the end of the day, they all just hit the same exact beats, and we get the exact same result. Is it asking too much to make something a little bit less predictable and a little bit less by the numbers? I understand that this is being made for kids and all that…. Or is it?

(I mean, is it really? How many s-bombs are allowed in a PG-13 movie? Whatever that number is red one approaches the absolute cliff of that number. That word is said quite a few times)

If it ain’t called the jungle Cruise or jumanji, there’s a good chance that a family film starring Dwayne Johnson is corny and boring. Sadly, this is a part of that list. 

RED ONE is in theaters now

Eli Brumfield

Eli Brumfield in an actor/screenwriter from Seattle Washington, living in Los Angeles.

He is the host of the RV8 Podcast.

He hates the word cinefile, but considering how many films he consumes in a week...and how many films he goes out of his way to see, no matter the genre...he kinda seems to be one.

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