Grief is extraordinary. It can weave its claws around your heart and turn it into stone. It can keep a person in its clutches for brief interludes or for years. Grief is not forgiving. There are no bypasses. No one can escape feeling the loss of a loved one at some point throughout our lives. A person can try to compartmentalize and tuck it away, but it will eventually roar throughout our souls, be heard, and express in a myriad of ways that sometimes we have no control to stop. A unique quality about grief is that even if a person has faced and dealt with death, something simple can trigger those horrendous emotions all over again when least expected. It has the power to change the trajectory of anyone’s life path. It places a fork in the road, making it impossible to go back or stand still. The holes… the gaps… are too broad and deep.
I have met grief far too many times. I understand ‘the business of dying.’ I have been knocked down within that dark abyss. I learned from experience that everyone is different in dealing with this phenomenon, and most of the time, we can’t even see or recognize changes among the living, which we have to deal with during these hellish moments. The secret no one will say out loud is there is no one way to barrel through the painful muck. There is no magical book called GRIEF FOR DUMMIES to guide the masses. So grief will lie in wait, quietly at first, behind closed doors. Here’s another secret…no one knows what goes on behind those doors. Rich or poor… wealthy or ORDINARY PEOPLE will push their way to the other side. In our society, ordinary, everyday people will refuse to talk about death, grief, and its aftermath. Still, one prolific 1980s film examined these themes in the light of day after the front door no longer could stay tightly shut.
ORDINARY PEOPLE is one of the greats. Four Golden Statues were awarded for its brilliance: Best Picture, Best Director (Robert Redford), Best Screenplay, and Best Supporting Actor (Timothy Hutton as Conrad). This was Redford’s first feature directing attempt and Hutton’s film debut. The movie included a stellar cast with the talents of Donald Sutherland as Calvin, Mary Tyler Moore as Beth, (his wife), Judd Hirsch as Dr. Berger and Elizabeth McGovern as Jeannine. This was also McGovern’s first film. She attended Juilliard then, and they gave her special permission to film her part only on the weekend.
Redford fell in love with the original novel written by Judith Guest (she was one of three of the screenwriters as well). Redford saw the opportunity to create a necessary but difficult movie to watch. He wanted the audience to feel the jolts of pain from the first moment we are invited inside the Jarrett home. No music was heard during the opening credits. The first scene was descending across the threshold of a closed front door. This was powerful because it felt like audiences were now privy to something most did not witness. Redford gave the gift of time to each actor during the raw and honest monologues and dialogues. Those silent breaths were an offering to everyone. We were all on the same page, being guided through every breakdown, fight, and beautiful, loving recollection. It was palatable and made my tears fall continually. Redford is simply a genius.
Mary Tyler Moore played the hardest role of her life, she has often said in interviews. She envisioned Beth as a woman incapable of love after losing her son. She was cold and needed her life not to be so messy. If only that could be true, Beth was a victim, as we are, no matter how much the audience wants to hate her. She said she could relate to this part because it reminded her of her father. Viewers will have difficulty recognizing her without her famous comedic cry when she would say “Oh, Rob” on THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW. She gave a master class performance for future young actresses to study for decades.
Sutherland was magnificent. When he broke down and cried, I am sure there wasn’t a dry eye in the theater. He played the emotional climax without Beth. Redford read the lines from off-stage. Sutherland wanted to ensure he got it right and redid the scene after it was in the can. This is dedication as well as being an actor’s actor.
It is simply impossible not to be astounded by Hutton’s character creation. He ‘went there’, and audiences were lucky to be a part of this horrific and inspiring story. His meltdowns broke my heart, and I cheered for his survival every step of the way.
ORDINARY PEOPLE is a psychological classic filled with dramatic, astonishing moments that will grip your heart long after the movie fades away from the now-closed front door. It is important to know all humans will be tangled in grief-stricken seconds. How we react, hold onto our loved ones, and move forward is not a trait given to us at birth. Haunting, immovable moments that will either help us grow or stop our connectivity with others. This past week, grief reared its ugly head within my own family. My brother died. The triggers are endless, but I am determined to keep my door open. It is the only way to heal.
ORDINARY PEOPLE is available on TCM.
