PREMISE
Based on the best-selling video game, this all-star action adventure follows a ragtag team of misfits on a mission to save a missing girl who holds the key to unimaginable power.
THE GOOD STUFF
THE CAST- I have to give credit to the actors who are on the poster for this film. When I first saw that poster, I couldn’t help but to think that this was an absolutely bizarre cast to put together. But it does work.
Cate Blanchett and Kevin Hart are playing wildly against type here, with Blanchett hamming it up to the 25th power and Kevin Hart playing an absolutely straightforward character who delivers his jokes without the typical Kevin Hart zing. Jack Black always finds a way to get a good couple of honest laughs just by throwing out zingers in whatever he does, whether the material is good or not. That very much is the case here. Black is like the parmesan cheese of comic relief that you can just sprinkle onto anything.
THE PG-13ness- BORDERLANDS strikes me as a movie that was intended to be R-rated, but the studio made it PG-13. I find that quite fascinating in the sense that this is a film that really pushes the limits of PG-13, unlike anything I’ve seen in a long time. The s-word is flying liberally throughout this film, and in all honesty, this is a plus. Not to mention, there’s tons of violent action going on, and it’s abundantly clear that if it’s bloodless, then you can put as much gunfire and stabbings as you want in any movie. This is R-rated violence through and through.
THE BAD STUFF
THE STORY—It’s kind of strange to say this, but I do think that BORDERLAND is actually underwritten. As opposed to films of this budget size, which usually go way overboard in making things complicated, this movie is extremely bare bones in terms of the world, characters, and story. There is just enough to make things cohesive and understandable, but this film seems pretty allergic to making things complex in any way, shape, or form.
THE UGLY STUFF
CGI- A very hit-or-miss affair. This is a movie with a budget of $120 million, intended to be cheesy. In the first act, this works well enough. There are a lot of nifty camera tricks, and the gunfights were very plausible. Everything done with the CGI Jack Black character claptrap is also done well.
However, whenever there’s a gigantic set piece where a creature of some kind is supposed to show up….
THE 3rd ACT—The film was barely passable up until this point. Then, the CGI had to take over for the last act, and I have to be honest with you: I don’t know how this movie cost $120 million with this kind of SPY KIDS 2-level CGI (Respectfully).
The third act of this movie is where all of the scathing criticisms of it are absolutely justified. It looks amateurish like whoever was in charge of this aspect of the film was trying to rush through it to meet a deadline. This is horrendous in many different ways.
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I saw this meme implying that MADAME WEB was the worst film of the year so far until this came along, and y’all have to calm down on that take. Yes, this movie is not really all that good. Yes, you have seen a hundred versions of this kind of film done before, and all hundreds of those versions are done at least a little bit better… But MADAME WEB was atrocious to the 25th power, and I feel that it’s kind of unfair to place this next to that. That being said, I don’t know how BORDERLANDS isn’t on Netflix or some other streaming service, given its kind of film. Had it been on a streaming service, I think we’d be treating it with kid gloves, and we’d be a little bit fairer in our assessment.
However, considering this was considered the summer blockbuster that would end the summer in a major way, it is pretty ridiculous. This is a hard film to recommend, but it’s not as bad as you think.
BORDERLANDS is in theaters now.
